Mid January-ish was a particularly low point for me out of a steady stream of them compromising the past year. I had done all the “right” things trying to cope: increased therapy, physical activity, max capacity zaps to the brain (aka pulses in a round of TMS therapy), etc. We had also started making a priority of mass. I even got a spiritual director.
Despite my honest efforts, I wasn't getting "better": I couldn’t shake the sorrow/foreboding sense that something had gone terribly off the rails, that something “big” was on the horizon, and that the first point would have devastating consequences in the second point (oh, I turned out to be right, by the way: *look where we are*.
…but this and other “premonitions” of mine would need its own post(s)). Long story short, a friend wasn’t that far off base in her modern day “Cassandra”ness assessment of me.
Either way, that particular week, I was feeling particularly lost and dispirited. I messaged a friend whining about how directionless I was feeling; she replied that she was too busy to feel directionless.
Moving along, I decided I was going to try nailing this whole prayer thing. My “formation” in prayer life is pretty crap: it was always just "whatever you want it to be!" or "there's no right/wrong way" type crunchiness. While there's truth to that, there’s also quite a bit more out there.
So I was reading. And getting facebook distracted. When this shows up in my feed:
Random. Someone had decided to make this meme and share it from an article that wasn’t even recent in year or month. Of course, being ADHD, I was more interested in going down this rabbit hole than whatever the eff I had been reading.
Anyway, we get this dude who, along with his brother, converts to Catholicism as a young adult (in common with me and *my* brother); he takes the name “Thomas” and goes on to become a priest. Some years later, his brother, now living in NY, asks Fr. Thomas to officiate his wedding. He books him with White Star Line, however due to last minute maintenance issues, his ticket (fatefully) is transferred to the Titanic. There, he has rosary & prayer and preaches a sermon:
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*check out his full story*
https://m.ncregister.com/daily-news/father-thomas-byles-gods-faithful-servant-on-the-titanic
https://catholicexchange.com/priest-on-titanic-the-last-voyage-of-fr-thomas-byles
https://youtu.be/eioMVbG9d3k
https://youtu.be/2YU2XA-v7jo
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...well. Spiritual lifeboats in the shape of prayer (and sacraments)? Just “@” me.
Then some coincidences took it next level: Fr. Thomas had been on his way to preside over a wedding - my husband and I married at St. Thomas church on what happened to be the 100th anniversary of the Titanic hitting the iceberg. We had used “Nearer, my God, to Thee” in memoriam of all lost:
There may even be a distant ancestoral link:
Oh, and he might be a saint:
And that's when I started directing prayers his way and encouraging other close friends to do likewise. I haven't been more vocal about this because it all sounded/sounds pretty crazy; I'm keenly aware of those optics now 😏
But then coronavirus happened: renewed vigor in prayer life as we fast from mass, the heroic priest martyrs in Italy, Pope Francis' prayer & specific imagery used in it...I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the ground.
We certainly are in a new life; I can think of no better guide/inspiration, or *saint*, for this transition than Fr. Thomas Byles:
